ADAM GETS ANGRY ABOUT STUFF: SPIDERMAN 700

I HATED SPIDER MAN 700!

Alright, as inclined as I am to talk in all caps for the entirety of this post, I just had to start off with that. Ravingnerd gave his thoughts on the issue, but most of them were related to price without going into much specifics to avoid spoilers, but I’m going into Spoiler territory with quite a bit of profanity. Loyal listeners of the podcast got a firsthand account of just how much Spider Man 699 pissed off and confused me. The whole story FUCK I LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT TRYING TO CONTAIN MYSELF.

Needless to say I wasn’t exactly pleased with this story. But we all knew that it was leading up with Dan.. Dan… SHITTY PIECE OF HUMAN EXISTENCE. (*As a side note I’ve read interviews of Dan Slott where people have threatened his life on the internet, and I must say that is a stupid thing to do. Just for the record I don’t wish anything bad to happen to him, I just think he is a terrible writer. That is all) Anyway, back to the subject. We arrive at SPIDER MAN 700 and man. And boy, they sure did killed killed something. HOW ABOUT THE LEGACY OF PETER PARKER

But let me say this. I have no problems with people killing Superheroes, even those as near and dear to my heart as Peter Parker’s… soul I guess? I don’t really know what to call his brain waves (but more on that later). A heroic sacrifice like Barry Allen in Crisis On Infinite Earths can be a well respected way to send off a character to usher in a new age. It can be a dramatic storytelling device to really tug at our heart strings. But… Peter Parker didn’t die? Just his brain/soul. Otto Octavius somehow found a way to switch “brains” with Peter Parker and now HE will be Spider man as Peter Parker with Peter Parker’s memories.

CAN YOU SEE I’M CONFUSED AT THIS POINT? There is convoluted and there is this mess. I am all for suspension of disbelief, but the things that this comic is asking me to accept are ridiculous. But alright, lets say you completely buy Doc Ock’s brain switching. You totally accept that he could switch brains with peter and somehow gain all of peter’s memories in the process, we come to this comic’s “conclusion”. Doc Ock starts freaking out when he has to face all of Peter’s memories and experiences that caused him to become the Spider-Man we know today. We see a lot of highlights from past runs such as the origin and lots of Spidey high points. This sudden rush of memories (which it really isn’t explained why at this moment Doc Spidey just comes flooding in) all of these memories cause him to… wait for it… MAGICALLY BECOME A GOOD GUY. Well. That all it takes. If you can see all the things that made spider man the way he was today and you get a spider body, YOU TOO CAN BECOME SPIDER MAN. The whole cheesy With Great Power… back and forth with Peter and Doc was so awful. All of this magically culminates to at the end, the octopus body dies and OCTAVIUS BECOMES THE “SUPERIOR” SPIDER MAN”

BULL SHIT! So this comic wants to make you believe that all you need to be changed from a good guy to a bad guy is to know all the experiences a good guy went through. This really cheapens the whole concept of Spider Man from now on. I mean lets look at past Spider Man transitions. I mean bad guys can change into good guys, but its usually through some kind of self realization about what they were doing. In this comic, all that happens to Octavius is that he just sees what Parker had to endure throughout his life and he gets the Uncle Ben speech and says “Well okay why not play the hero?” I guess we will really only ever understand what he will do when we get Superior Spider Man #1, but this totally cheapens the character of Peter Parker, basically say that all it takes to be Spider Man is to have experienced the same things Peter has done. It has nothing to do with his character or integrity. But this makes sense when they talk about Superior Spider Man being Dark and Edgy.

What’s done is done, and Dan Slott has dug himself into a giant hole and he is only digging himself deeper. I only wish Peter Parker’s death/replacement was handled better. But I have ranted far too much about this for now. If you guys like my rants i’ll do more in the future. I’ll be posting a list soon of my top 25 movies of the year, like Emily posted her list of K Pop, but unlike her list, mine is bound to make people disagree.

-Adam

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